And now for the rest of my story…
I’ve been told I can manifest the shit out of anything! Maybe that is true considering I am writing this “about me” from the beach on my second honeymoon. Yes, we opted for 2 honeymoons. We DESERVE that—we’ve moved mountains to be with one another. It’s been a quite an epic journey! I highly recommend upgrading your marriage. It’s up to you to decide if your marriage is worth it. For me, marriage 2.0 it is!
Hold up—this is not my advocacy of your divorce…
Keep reading. Trust me.
We all have two lives. The second one begins when you realize you have one. I figured that out the hard way. I wasn’t really living. I had to completely scrap everything and reinvent myself in my thirties. Which was terrifying, by the way. From the outside it certainly looked like I had it all. I was married to a handsome man, we both had very successful sales careers (wasn’t there a name for that back then? ‘DINKS’ it was. It means dual-income-no-kids), we lived in a modest house, took lots of vacations each year, I had multiple Louis Vuittons…I mean, our life was soooo pretty!
The first clue should have been that I had zero friends. I was lonely living in a new city and every time I began to get close to a coworker, (even just a female) he would find a way to drive a wedge between us. But, my husband really, really loved me, so why did I need friends? Yeah…right. A narcissist doesn’t leave control over you for others to grab onto—I didn’t see it at the time. It wasn’t until I was a few years into my marriage and I realized the wedge forming between my parents and me. We had always been close. I am an only child. Something wasn’t right here. Maybe it was finding him passed out with emptied out cans of beer spilled in the recliner at 3am when I was 7 months pregnant? Either way, it doesn’t matter anymore.
So, at the ripe old age of…I don’t know, late-thirties-ish? I filed for divorce. For the second time. Yes, you read that right—I had filed once before. (Always trust your gut ladies!) But, just like my Astrologer told me I would, I caved and took him back because I was too scared to allow him to care for our 8-month-old son alone. Like so many women, I felt stuck. I opted to endure the known discomfort of my miserable existence and loveless marriage to an emotionally and sexually exploitive husband. I couldn’t bear the thought of what could be happening when my child wasn’t in my care. By staying, I thought I had some control.
Some might say divorce is the worst thing you can ever go through, and process-wise, they aren’t lying! But for me, it was the only way I could create space for myself to grow into the woman I knew I DESERVED to become. I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat, because sometimes you have to strip your world down to a shred of nothingness to discover the beauty God placed inside of you. So, here’s me, nearly 9 years after I first fearfully filed for divorce, in a new marriage, enjoying a fulfilling career (finally), an abundance of healthy friendships, and the one part of my life I’m most grateful for? Well, it’s not my amazing husband or my angelic-faced spitfire of a boy who gives me a daily dose of “oh no you’re NOT going to tell me how to do it!”, it’s my FAITH walk with God and his Universe. It’s the discovery of who I am, by releasing all that I am NOT, and living my life’s purpose with grace, clarity and tenacity. I am strong and my belief in myself will never again waver.
If you are here right now you’ve probably already begun asking the questions, “is it me?” “Is it my marriage?” “Why do I feel like something is missing in my life?” “What is my purpose?” Somewhere along the line you’ve lost connection with your inner self. You wear all the hats: super mom, kickass boss lady, wife, caregiver… But when someone asks you about YOU, you cannot answer who YOU are without telling them the roles you play in life. Something has been gnawing away at you in your belly. Your heart is longing for more. It’s time. But what does that mean? You are not alone.
You. Are. Not. Alone.
I share these life pivots with you about my marriage, my career, my own [previous] lack of clarity, because I know you are not that different from me. I’ve learned the art of releasing that (and who) which no longer serves me. Yes, I’ve held on far too long to toxic friendships, and I’ve stayed well past my expiration date in my corporate career. I NEVER should have withdrawn my motion for divorce the first time, but clearly, I had more to learn in the coming years with my ex-husband. He has truly been my greatest teacher.
My growth as a woman is due to the lessons learned from my first marriage, but has come in the years spent with the incredible man I am married to now. He married a much stronger, more whole and joyful woman, who’s blossoming he encouraged, and together we’ve built a foundation that creates space and an expectation for one another to continue to evolve.>(Our blending journey is a story for another day). We have found communication to be the absolute key to our beautiful marriage and I can help you strengthen the “me” in your “we”, so you may continue to grow together, or maybe even grow back together.
You don’t have to scrap your marriage to give it an upgrade. But maybe you need to resurrect your connection with one another. The biggest secret of it all, is that it starts inside of YOU. And that’s where our journey together will begin.
Let’s get started rediscovering YOU. Click the button below for a discovery call.